The Law Of Animal Attraction

The mating dance is a fierce tango that gives our heart a good workout and leaves us breathless. It is a dance that we all wish to perform with masterful steps without stepping on anyone’s toes.

It is also the most coveted dances because of how it presses our will against the will of another. And when two wills meet in the heat of passion and combust into a thousand stars - it is the most elegant dance.

Mating leaves many astray. Man is an animal that craves companionship and tactility, not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We need to interact with others, to exchange ideas, knowingness and fill the loneliness divide.

Several questions abound. Do men have a harder time at dating than women? Do women chase men away by putting them under the gun to marry them? Men and women have a different set of rules and very different perspectives.

Are men and women both too desperate to find love that they settle for anyone, which leaves them miserable and littering divorce courts?

I used to have a coworker who had an interesting set of rules. Kenneth is a 40-something rocker who wants 24 year old tax attorney, Sarah who just moved next door to him. Kenneth has been dating his girlfriend Beverly for 20 years.

They are of similar ages and backgrounds. They get along well together. They have built a history with each other and know each others likes and dislikes, etc. But as soon as Kenneth sees someone younger, he goes into his peacock strut, invites them to his latest show and gives them a guitar pick with his phone number on it (he had them specially made for this.)

He says Beverly is okay with it, they have an open relationship. He is an accomplished musician who has been playing the club circuit for years, but earning a living as a high-end art agent. Music is his calling card for the girls. He loves to play for them. When he strums his Gibson he is really strumming their heart strings.

Beverly probably doesn’t know the amount of girls Kenneth pursues when she is not around. She is just waiting for him to pop the question.

Men and women both speak foreign languages when it comes to love. Even though she may feel love, a woman wants to be reassured that she is loved. A man may not understand this because he feels that it’s obvious that he loves her because he is with her. He may have said, “I love you,” once and he thinks that should serve her for as long as they are together.

After a while, the man may realize that the woman is not like she was in the beginning and then start to resent her for wanting more of him. Some men will even use the language of gifts thinking that nothing says it better than diamonds.

When the woman receives the gift, she resigns the fact that he doesn’t say, “I love you,” everyday. She can live with it until the next time she feels that he doesn’t love her. For now, she can now show the world that he loves her by wearing her new jewelry - and to her - a symbol of love.

It’s not that she necessarily wants to hear him say those three words, she wants the world to know that he says those three words, even if it is ventriloquized by gifts.

Men learn early on to base their self-worth on dollar signs, but it doesn’t stop the fierce competition to find the right partner. Though it is sometimes impossible to merge with someone, I ask you to observe the animal kingdom. If you think we have it hard, you may thank your lucky stars that we are not them.

Next time we will examine love in the animal kingdom.