The Ultimate Relationship

My mother has done it again. Every so often she goes through her "collection" of items that her six children have created over the years, such as artwork, report cards, greeting cards, or anything in which we have gifted her.

In my case, she has kept poems, articles or anything in which I have exercised my writing hand. Though we always tell her to throw them away, she never listens.

I know that since we are no longer children, she keeps these sentimental keepsakes to hang on our childhood and her awakening to motherhood.

Anyway, last week she dropped off my annual "package" of keepsakes from my past. My usual inclination is to automatically throw it away, but this time, I decided to look through it.

I found the usual stuff like classwork with grades marked, artwork - stuff I would have deemed as junk. Then I came across an article that I wrote as a teen.

I had almost forgotten about it, but my mother had kept it because it was published in a newspaper at the time. She was proud. I remember her telling everybody who visited as I bashfully dismissed the extra attention.

Today after reading what was created a little over 20 years ago, I see that my words were chosen by a hand other than mine. A hand that reached inside of me and arranged the words. A hand that has gotten more steady as time chops down the seconds.

My mother had presented me with my very own time capsule. A capsule that let my mind travel back into time and relive the moments that surrounded me back then.

I guess it wasn’t junk after all if I could still learn from it.

Following is what I found in that time capsule. An early version of Alexys Fairfield, still in the cocoon of development before being fit for butterfly wings. The writer with youthful hands ready to take on the world, one Soul at a time.

The Ultimate Relationship

You can search for someone your entire life and still not find them. You can pretend that you're happy until you look in the mirror. Sometimes the simplest of things can seem difficult and the answers to your problems are right under your nose. Simple? Not really.

At times, in order to get to the roots you have to chop down the tree. The same holds true for you. In order to know what you want in another person, you must first know what you want in yourself.

You may not even require or even want another person in your life right now. Who says that you have to get married? Or have kids? Probably your parents. Just because they had you doesn't mean you are obligated to give them grandchildren as a token of thanks.

You can have the best relationship in your life, better than anything else - the ultimate. You don’t have to look for it because the person is already in your life.

The ultimate relationship is with you, so indulge in the fascination. Marriage, children and grandchildren are all extensions of the ultimate relationship and only if you want them.

Take a moment now and look inside of yourself. What are your wants? Needs? Are they both the same? Are you dancing to your heartbeat? You’ll find all the answers underneath the barriers, pretense and confetti. They were always there, but not always seen.

Do you feel that you want to share the answers with someone? ANYONE? They are probably still new to you. The relationship starts as being one dimensional. The dialogue is between you and the mirror and you discover each other innermostly. You decide that you don’t want to be alone.

After fortifying your fragile ego with cushion after cushion and a couple of lifeboats thrown in for good measure, you are ready to enter the fierce waters of love -- a two dimensional relationship.

Suddenly the mirror is replaced with another face. The dialogue is between two individuals. Questions the mind races to answer? Should I reveal everything? Should I leave something to the imagination? Perhaps bare my soul and hope nothing leaks out from the pressure?

Is learning to love a natural talent? Are you prepared for anything? You want to be close but not too close. Are there life preservers standing by so you won’t drown from your own ignorance and poor judgment of trusting that other soul. If fencing swords are drawn whose blood would flow? Now you’re ready to make an even exchange, your secrets for theirs.

When emotional contracts are negotiated, the relationship becomes three dimensional. Something beyond your wildest imagination, but still within reality. It’s so intense that you don’t know if you can handle it? You begin to rehearse the same dialogue. “I love you so much that I would burn at the stake for you even though I’m a vegetarian.”

In no time you’ve both learned the lines of love and can complete each others sentences along with facial expressions and gestures. Quite a performance for two amateurs who took a chance on fate.

Suddenly the motion shifts and the characters change for the worse. The image in the mirror is out of focus, and you’re barely in view. What happened to love? It’s wounded so it retreats back inside of you.

You could have sworn that it would have lasted forever. What went wrong? It was deep. What was once marvelous and full of exhilarating textures has left a gaping hole in your heart and soul. It hurts. You’re bleeding. You can’t handle it, but you have no choice. You grin and bear it even though your heart is on fire.

A full 360 degrees later, the relationship is back to one dimensional. Life has gained a deeper meaning. You have gained an understanding. When it’s all been said and done, the ultimate relationship is truly the one with yourself and it can only be enhanced with what you are willing to risk.


Blogger’s Addendum: Since this was written, I have gained the knowledge that while love of oneself is thoroughly invigorating and not without its own rewards, it’s really in endorsing the heart of someone else that one can truly love.

Is love of oneself sufficient or does it have to be put to the test by letting it stand side by side with someone's else? Are the contents of the heart meant for oneself or are they meant to be distributed?

What are your thoughts?