When To Know To Take No For An Answer
Sometimes the signs are obvious, sometimes they are not. Yesterday I observed a woman in the gas station. A gas station employee was filling her tires with air.
For each tire, he checked the tire pressure and filled it with the appropriate amount of air. He was very gentle like he was handling a newborn.
After he checked and filled all of them, he asked the woman if she would open the hood so he could check the oil. He checked the oil and didn’t find anything unusual.
When he finished, the woman was so appreciative that she took out a ten dollar bill to tip him. He refused it, saying that he was just doing his job.
The woman insisted and tried to stuff it into his hand. He still didn’t take it. This tango went on for several minutes, neither one budging towards the other’s will.
The woman finally said, “I want you to know how much I appreciate what you did.” The employee responded, “You’re welcome ma’am. Just doing my job.”
It was such a pleasant exchange. Though the woman wanted to reward him with cash, she didn’t see the sign that he just enjoyed helping.
Sometimes our inclination is to reward people for what they do when all we have to do is say, “Thank you or I appreciate it.”
My mother used to always say if someone wants to do something for you, let them, otherwise you may be blocking your blessings.
If someone is telling us, ‘No,’ it is a sign that we have to accept what is. It is not a bad sign, it is just a sign that tells us to step back and accept.
Learning to accept is just as important as learning to give.
How do you know when to take ‘No’ for an answer?
16 comments:
Yes, I think that woman's wanting to put a cash value on his help was actually a rude and pushy gesture beyond the initial .no'.
Sometimes, it can come across as the payer not wanting to be beholden/accept a kindness and turns it into a paid for service instead.
Hello Alexys,
This reminds of something I read; that to be able to receive a gift graciously, is a gift to the giver. To refuse a gift is to break the cycle of love in giving and receiving.
I agree with your mother and I will add that we also block the giver from receiving blessings when we say, "no."
Hi Uber,
I see your point. Some people are very uncomfortable being beholden to others. For you I know it's not a problem. You are very unique in that respect. I love that aspect about you. ;D
Hi Miruh,
Oh, I love, "to be able to receive a gift graciously, is a gift to the giver. To refuse a gift is to break the cycle of love in giving and receiving."
It is really interesting how we learn to play off of each other in the circle of love. Thank you for sharing such wisdom.
I also love the addition, "that we also block the giver from receiving blessings when we say, "no."
Thanks again for the beauty.
Thanks for this -- I know it can be a vulnerable sensation to receive a gift, and I think I've grown a lot by learning to breathe through that sensation and accept the gift rather than refusing to avoid that feeling.
Oh my gosh I love this post! I have work to do on graciously receiving help that's offered. There are worthiness issues deep beneath the surface that I'm still trying to rewire. I would have been that woman with the $10... Heck, I can't prove I wasn't!
I know I need to work on removing the blocks to receiving my blessings. And what's more - let others "gift me." I know when I give a gift and someone doesn't want it, that's just as disheartening as the reverse scenario. Thank you, Alexys! Great words of wisdom today.
Thanks for this post, Alexys. I see myself in the lady at the gas station. *ugh* When I am out on a first date, I HATE that the man generally wants to pay and as things progress in the relationship, I try to keep a mental tally of how much he has done for me versus how much I have done for him. Although there is value in making sure the other isn't giving too much or feeling like I'm not recipricating, I think sometimes I go too far. Sometimes people just want to do nice things for others and my burden to recipricate makes it not as valuable for them (and blocks my own blessings).
This exchange is full of valuable lessons. We are reminded that; not everyone has learned how to accept or feel comfortable giving and receiving a compliment, not everyone recognizes the meaning of "no thanks," not everyone has learned how to take no for an answer. The power dynamics also offer food for thought. Not everyone has learned what it means to stay true to themsleves. Some people would prefer to make choices to appease others because it seems easier than fighting. To love others unconditionally, and value each person as is, is a timeless lesson for everyone.
Hi Chris,
I understand that. I used to be uncomfortable accepting large gifts until I just surrendered and let the giver give. The joy in giving is a beautiful gesture.
Hi Megan,
Perhaps we have all been that woman? Maybe it is a phase we have to go through to learn to accept. I know that givers sometimes have a hard time being 'accepters.' Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Hi Emerging,
I have been that lady before AND the gas station attendant. I also used to always pay for dates because I didn't want to be obligated to the guy. Thankfully I have grown away from that thinking. I agree that sometimes people want to do nice things and exercise a little kindness, no strings attached. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Hi Liara,
I agree. It is sometimes difficult for many people to stay true to themselves and learn that giving in itself is also accepting and vice versa. It is a powerful dynamic that helps us understand how to interact.
Great story. It is sometimes hard to discern if a person truly means no or if they are simply being polite. Each situation has to evaluated on it's own merit ... no magic bullets here.
Hi Mark,
I agree. We have to evaluate each situation and hope we make the right decision.
You always hold the first and last word. All thoughts begin and end inside the self. As you quiet the mind, you also learn the value of silence, emptiness and the timeless wisdom found within at your leisure.
Hi Liara,
Timeless silence. Peaceful bliss.
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