Catching Lies
In the past I have worked in many jobs, including property management.
Frequently tenants come up with stories to avoid paying rent, such as,
“It was our anniversary and we went to Mexico to celebrate;”
“I called you to pick it up and you never came, so I spent it;”
“The dog ate my rent check;”
“I couldn’t find your address;”
“Could you forgo rent this month until I get more money;”
“I didn’t want it to be late so I didn’t send it.”
Contractors too have a series of lies they tell such as,
“I was on another job so I couldn’t make it;”
“I AM giving you my best price;”
“I’m not making any money on this job;”
“I can finish in three days;”
“I start on time and work the whole day;”
“I guarantee my work.”
We were constantly on the look out for new contractors because they would all do something wrong and we wouldn’t use them again.
I recall one such incident with a contractor. He was contracted to paint an outside deck, stairs and railings. He started late and painted everything, but it just didn’t look right. The paint was rippling in some areas which caused me to question his ability and the type of paint he used.
There is a specific paint used for decks and he swore that he used the right paint. He even showed me the paint can, but I still wasn’t convinced. Short of having a forensic expert test the paint, there was nothing I could do.
Two weeks passed and as nature would test him, it rained heavily for five hours. The rain washed away the paint from the deck and the old color looked like it had never been repainted. Apparently he didn’t use the right paint, though he swore that he used the appropriate one.
The moral of the story; when you think someone is lying and you can’t prove it, leave it to nature. The truth will reveal itself. It all comes out in the wash.
I guess the question is should we have more compassion for liars or confront them and hope they stop their trail of lies? Confronting them doesn't necessarily mean that we have less compassion, but it may let them know that we are not going to accept their version of truth.
When you catch someone in a lie, what do you do?
16 comments:
Hey Lady A,
Oh my God...these excuses are such classics! They use them here as well *nodding*. This goes to show how similar we are despite our cultural differences.
The contractor knew he had used the wrong paint yet he insisted he had used the correct one...*nodding*...and then nature exposed his lie...what a shmuck!
"When you catch someone in a lie, what do you do?" - Hmm, I look deep into that person's eyes and show him/her my disappointment. Then I just tell this individual that there's no point in lying to me, cause eventually I'll know the truth...and that is that. My trust in that person (depending on the level and harm of the lie) may be over.
Excellent post :D!
Truthful Cheers
Being a mother, I have often caught the little ones in lies. At one point, my one son lied CONSTANTLY. It seemed every word out of his mouth was a lie. I took a deep breath and realized he lied because I punished. I changed my parenting mode from "punishing" to "making the child fix it". So, instead of making him stand in the corner for trying smashing eggs all over the kitchen floor, he had to clean it up.
I don't mean to suggest that this works for every situation. (I totally would have fired the crappy painter), but it works well with kids. I found my son was unable to admit his mistakes because I made him feel like he couldn't make any. Once I began to accept his mistakes and just allow him to fix them instead, he began to tell the truth about them.
Great topic.
I HATE liars!
I always trust my instinct and I am rarely wrong. I have a rolodex of a mind so any inconsistencies in stories even years apart and I will recall.
When I catch people out in lies, I call them up on it and chew them out.
I don;t enable liars by pretending it washes with me.
Ultimately, human beings are unaware of what they are, what they do and why. Your post encourages people to get out of the insane mind that drains energy. Allow nature to run its course, allow energy to flow without struggle and everything works itself out. Remember to love everyone, every step of the way.
Hi Max,
Excuses are universal aren't they? Don't you find that lying to be the universal truth?
"My trust in that person (depending on the level and harm of the lie) may be over."
I know what you mean. When it is someone whom we have trusted, it is disappointing to say the least and you are right, it is never the same.
Nothing But The Truth Cheers!
Hi Em,
I know kids do that and it is sometimes hard to discipline them without making them feel worthless. That's a great "fix-it" solution. My mother used to do that too. I really like your positive solution to your situation.
Hi Uber,
Instincts are what we all feel, but we can also override them when we don't want to face the truth about the person in question. It can be a trying situation that tests us too, but if we rely on on intuition to guide us, we will understand how to handle those people and those lies.
We share the same rolodex. ;D
Hi Liara,
Lying is very draining. I don't know how people can keep doing it. I like what you said about allowing energy to flow without struggle and I know that nature is a terrific equalizer. Let love flow.
Wow, that's so interesting. I'm sorry about your deck, first and foremost. (Did you get it redone?)
I dated someone who had a really hard time telling the truth. Mostly he would just omit the truth, doing funny little dances that allowed him to avoid lying, but that wouldn't allow the truth to be seen.
When I did catch him in an all-out lie (after we'd broken up and when we were supposedly friends), I confronted him. For me, that was the straw that broke this camel's back, and I was done. I met him in a public place (he had a propensity for yelling), told him I knew he had lied (it was about something fairly atrocious, too), didn't want to know why or hear him say he didn't, and that we were through. With that I got up, walked out and put a whole lot of space and time between the two of us. Six months later, he wrote a confession and apology, but it didn't mend our relationship.
On the one hand, like you said, I feel compassion for people who are so fearful of the truth that they avoid it. I've been one of those people, lying to myself about addiction and other internal struggles. So I "get it." But that doesn't make it right. We all have to learn, grow and embrace the truth as best we can. (in my humble opinion!)
Interesting subject. People do lie for hundreds of reasons, however the root cause of a lie is fear. The liar fears what the truth will bring, even though we have been taught by experience that it is usually the act of the lie that gets us in more trouble not the act that we lied about. I would say that when we can we need to confront people when they lie and try to understand and mitigate the underlying fear that caused the lie in the first place. This is a case by case basis decision.
Hey Lady A,
"Excuses are universal aren't they? Don't you find that lying to be the universal truth?"
They are. LOL it is well thought: indeed lying can very well be the universal truth...Hmmm...this could be the theme of an article.
Truth & truth Cheers
Hi Megan,
Unfortunately lying comes with the trade. The deck wasn't redone yet, waiting for estimates.
That must have been challenging dating someone who wasn't honest. When dating there should be a trust and when the trust is broken so is the relationship. Did the public place work? If he didn't yell, did he bite his lip and do all sorts of aggressive body language?
It's too bad that people throw away relationships because they can't be honest - especially with themselves.
Thanks for sharing your personal story.
Hi Mark,
I agree that fear is a major issue in lying. We have to face it gingerly and always with love.
Hi Max,
It could be a theme. I think you should go for it and enlighten us all. Lying, The Universal Truth. It has a good ring to it. ;D
Lady A,
lol...oh, you are leaving it for me, eh? ;)
Ok, I accept the challenge...it will come up soon *bowing*!
Weekend Cheers
Hi Max,
I know that it will be brilliant!
Weekend Cheers!
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