When a person says they don't have friends, I do a double take and remember all of the times I’ve heard that. It used to be hard for me to understand why anyone didn’t have friends, until I learned.
I have fallen into this trap more than once where I have befriended someone and fortunately found out why they don't have friends. I used to say, “You’re so nice, why don’t you have any friends?” They would reply, “Nobody likes me.”
Now when I hear that, my red flag alert goes off. Experience has taught me to distance myself as far away as possible.
Now this is out of character for someone who generally likes people but after years of being in the entangled trenches of these energy drainers, I have learned that I can’t help a person find friends, inner peace, happiness or anything else. They have to do it for themselves.
If you hear that a person doesn’t have friends, there is a reason. If you can imagine someone with the most annoying habits, and multiply it by paranoia, anger, fear, uncaring, selfishness, callousness, indecisiveness, resentfulness, jealousy, spite, envy, deceit, disrespect, self-centeredness, and a myriad of other negative emotions, you would see the person that I am describing.
Even if initially you want to lend and ear to help, you wind up being knee deep in someone else’s drama. Have you ever watched a film and wondered how the main character got into that situation?
You can see how they can get out, but they can’t see. You become so entrenched in someone else’s plot that you lose your own. If you lose your own plot then you lose all sense of caring about what’s happening in your own life.
Before the days of spilling tidbits on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube, people were not privy to the antics of bad behavior. Now with a quick tap of Google, everything is there forever in glorious color.
In fact Google, Facebook, Twitter and others have your privacy on the auction block. Your name, photos, address, phone number, workplace and lifestyle are all on record and available to the highest bidder so companies you never heard of can sell you things you never knew you wanted.
People who say they don’t have friends are perfect for social networking. They can still behave like they normally do and have an audience. Perhaps this is why they don’t have any real life friends?
I am not saying that you shouldn’t befriend people, only that you should be weary of certain tell-tale signs. Except for some misanthropes, most of us are all social beings and we like to socialize, it’s what makes us feel connected as humans.
It’s nice to have endowments of human consciousness - kindness, compassion, integrity, selflessness, trustworthiness, humility and common courtesy go a long way and have a long memory.
When people are not in touch with their own worth, it makes them feel less adequate and they tend to focus more on the puffery of others who may not be any more interesting.
Whether you have friends-a-plenty or are friendless, it all starts and ends with you. Be the best person you can be for yourself. Be your own ally.